


Redeemed

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor, Multi, Out of Character, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-22
Updated: 2005-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-30 11:59:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10162589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: *Rated for possibly offensive parody of religion*.~The Potterverse belongs to JKRowling, Warner Bros., her publishers in various countries, and others licensed to make money from the franchise.~The final battle approaches, and Muggle relations ofeveryone who opposes Voldemort are in peril.  Dumbledore secures an Unplottable location for the relativesof Order members.  Severus Snape goes to convince the Dursleys to flee.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Redeemed

It was mid-August and clear to everyone that the Final Battle, as it was coming to be  
called, was approaching fast. Muggle relatives of Voldemort’s enemies had been killed  
already. Albus Dumbledore had procured a block of flats and made them Unplottable, to  
house the Muggle relations of Order members.

Lupin and Tonks got the easy assignment: See Hermione Granger’s parents and persuade  
them to go to the Unplottable flats. Their lives were in danger.

Severus and Minerva drew the Dursleys.

They were suitably dressed for the Muggle world, for a change. Potter insisted that his  
aunt and uncle wouldn’t even open the door if they suspected anyone from the Wizarding  
World, so he and Granger had been the final arbitors of Severus’s and Minerva’s clothes.

Conservative suit and tie for Severus, a sensible tween suit and walking shoes for  
Minerva. They carried pamphlets which resembled tracts. Dumbledore thought it would  
be a good idea to imitate a religious sect to allay suspicion of neighbours on the street.

Minerva rang the bell, then stepped back to stand beside Severus. “Remember what Mr.  
Potter told us about them.”

Severus grunted. It had only been a few minutes ago, he was _quite sure_ he  
remembered. Severus didn’t think much of the Dursleys to begin with. Muggles, related  
to Lily Evans Potter. And, they were biased against wizards. Potter had mentioned that  
little point maliciously.

“You talk to the uncle and I will speak to the aunt. Either way, it is the boy we must  
convince.”

The door opened a crack and a thick-faced young man peered out. “We don’t want any,”   
he said, glaring at the pamphlets.

Severus braced his foot against the door and stared into the boy’s eyes. “Repent, Dudley  
Dursley, your end is near.”

The boy staggered back and they were inside.

“How did you know my name? Who are you?” He was flexing his muscles, toned but  
overlaid with fat.

Severus thrust the pamphlet into his sausagelike fingers. “The Dark Lord cometh with  
his Dementors to steal your soul.”

The drawing on the pamphlet’s cover was of a snake-like man surrounded by his  
decaying, hooded servants. Potter’s worthless cousin trembled and the tract slipped  
through his fingers. He backed up into a hutch and spilled some dried flowers to the  
floor. “Mum! Mother! Some wizard’s here to see you!”

At least Minerva was amused. She rubbed an elegant hand under her nose, effectively  
hiding the quirking of her mouth. In seconds, a huge man burst out of the lounge while a  
scrawney, horse-like woman fluttered in from the kitchen. Severus was glad Lily hadn’t  
looked like that. At least Hogwarts got the pretty sister.

Minerva made no move to speak to either one of them. Severus advanced, holding the  
woman’s eyes. “He is coming for _you_ , Petunia Dursley. He will squash you like  
the Muggle pest you are.”

The fat man’s face had gone completely purple, but it was the woman who spoke.

“Y-you, you cannot touch us! I’ll... I’ll send for Albus Dumbledore! We have wards!   
We have protection!”

“In fact, it was Albus Dumbledore who sent us. Have you read about the Muggle deaths  
in Birmingham and Norwich? What about the ones in Redditch? Perhaps you have read  
about the ones in York, or have seen them on your Muggle news?”

The woman nodded. Her eyes had grown very large. Severus revised his opinion of her,  
she looked more like a Thestral than a horse. “My Dudley was attacked by Dementors,  
two years ago, there in the alley.”

“Your nephew was attacked by Dementors. Your son had the misfortune to be there.   
The next time, your son will be the target. And he can summon no Patronus to protect  
himself.”

“What can we do?”

“Flee. Leave this place.”

“Where will we go? I have a duty to my poor sister’s child. We have to be here for him  
every summer, or he’ll have no protection!”

The man muttered something that Severus agreed with. But it wasn’t his business to  
agree. “I understand your duty to Lily’s child. A new home has been prepared for you,  
one that is more difficult to find. Your time grows short. Accept our offer and live, or  
take your chances. Which will it be?”

The man was muttering again. Severus ignored him. Potter was valuable to the mission.   
His blood protection had to be in place.

The woman threw her head back, and for just a second, Severus saw Lily, proudly  
defying James Potter, or anyone else who dared to challenge her. The moment flew,  
leaving the Muggle Thestral staring down her boney nose. “We live.”

Severus and Minerva sent as many of the Dursleys’ most prized possessions to their new  
Unplottable flat as possible, then whisked them away from Little Whinging.

“What about my job? My company?” the man finally blustered.

“Oh, Vernon, shut up. What good is your company if you die?”

“Sell it,” said Minerva, speaking at last. “We can arrange an agent for you.”

“Or, not.” Severus grinned evilly. “They can attack you anywhere they find you.”

“Do you know Harry?” the fat boy asked, finally finding his nerve again.

Severus gave him a glare. “I teach him.”

The boy backed up. “I thought Professor Smith was bad!”

Severus smirked. He would like to see any Muggle professor named Smith put such fear  
into the hearts of students.

 

Minerva couldn’t stop laughing once they returned to Grimmauld Place. “You should  
have seen the look on that boy’s face when Severus told him that his end was near!”

“Wish I could have been there,” Potter smiled.

“It was genius to suggest an evangelising campaign. Severus put the fear of  
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named right into them! He was full of hellfire and brimstone!”

“Is that what you call it?” Tonks snickered.

“If you ever decide to give up teaching,” Professor Dumbledore smiled, “You could  
found a church.”

Severus scowled. “I saved three souls today. I’ve done my part.”


End file.
